Things of the Week

Nonsense news you might have missed while you were working:

-->Theo Epstein has been auditioning various intergalactic species, including Wookiees, to help bolster the Sawx' suspect bullpen for the playoffs. And he's a southpaw! Or is this simply the return of Jeff Reardon?

<-- Delicious, nutritious Nicotine Beer has taken the world by storm. More here.

-->German musicologists gather in the former East Berlin to measure the effect of recent hurricanes on the sales of songs by The Scorpions.

<--A good D.C. bar gets better, coinciding with grassroots efforts for a nationwide ban....

--> ("Use It" + "The Bleeding Heart Show") > (Prozac + Zoloft + Xanax) x (Tadalafil) x (Cocaine + Ripped Fuel + Yellow Jackets' "Sting of Extreme Energy").