Ozzie and A-Rod

You Eat Like That.

Unfortunately, nowadays, this is all I have to offer.

The H is O

Videolicious

THIS makes me do THIS.

Careful, that list is absolutely debilitating. Finally some nice work, pitchfork. And while I'm at it, is YouTube the greatest work-waster thing since the invention of the MP3? the Internet?

Relatedly, now that I finally have cable again (after 4 tries), my love affair with VH1 Classic will be rekindled. MTV, rot in hell.

Egg Wins

I'm glad to hear scientists are still working on this.

Sale of the Century

Just found in DC (!) for $50 on Craigslist: the most prolific coffee table in history. It's seen it all. And possibly some small penises. This is the coffee table that other coffee tables aspire to, the table that is still talked about around the water cooler amongst other coffee tables. What a run.

In tue Baseball Prospectus style, its comparable performers include:

apologies, my peeps...

Hola amigos, I know it's been a while since I rapped at ya.... huge Jim Anchower fan. Anyway, I went to post on here a few weeks back and I swore off Blogger after my post disappeared. I am back, but my elaborate Middle East peace plan is lost forever.

Yeah, things are looking swell, thank you for asking. I will soon be rid of the bubonic chronic that makes me choke (Ballston) and instead being part of the Deece's massive gentrification efforts in Columbia Heights, where high rents have replaced high residents. Erin and I are looking forward to welcoming you all there. She's returning from San Diego June 5 on account of the weather. And Tommy, he can't get enough, so he bought a place down the street from us. Why that judge didn't issue a restraining order i'll never know.

Though life is good, the missing piece was this little chunk of nothing. And thus, Sound of Nonsense will return with a vengeance... you can't try to kill it... it only makes it stronger.

The Friends of P. #2: The Village People Policeman

Great stuff.
I would tell him, "Young man, there's no need to feel down..."
AP Story

He's had such an influence on so many people, one being A.C... That link makes me so disturbingly happy.

Destroying Brackets, Destroying Hearts

As I stated before, when college basketball takes center stage over the entire nation, times are definitely good. With the exception of that awful woman down the hall winning the office pool by picking Bradley because it's her freakin' son's name, the glamour of "One Shining Moment" brings out the best in all of us by forcing us (including females) to go to smoky bars on gorgeous Saturday afternoons.

The national spotlight also starts to bring out brilliant stuff like this... Coach K Eats Kids....which one would think was quite good, until I saw this floating around. Easily in the greatest 100 moments in television.

It's her being an attractive cheerleader, throwing out a badass facial expression, and then that particular hand motion.... yeah, top 10, easy. Go Wichita State.

How do I hate thee? Let me count the ways...

When the most recent dirt about Barry Bonds hit (via some good old-fashioned Woodward-and-Bernstein journalism), I was among those who threw on ESPN only to hear very little about the actual story. A true story of a man literally turning himself into a wad of muscle via "medicine"... this is every newsman's dream to break this thing open. So where was the sports network's in-depth coverage?

Leave it to Deadspin to connect the proverbial dots.

Despite his success, Barry is one of the biggest losers in the history of the game. Arrogant, yet a total crybaby, completely unsatisfied with being the best, and unable to do anything with his stardom besides wield it like a battleaxe towards teammates and the media. Ditto for ESPN, minus a few old-school reporters who cash their checks and do their damndest to avoid the beer-sponspored, highlight-free loop that the network has become.

There's still a standing offer of one "Ballston is for Losers" T-Shirt to whoever can submit to me a graph, complete with pictures (or actual measurements) of Bonds' head over time. Bonus points for using throwing in the head of Sammy Sosa for shits and giggles.

Merry March

I guess it's like Christmas morning... the kind where you are trapped in your bedroom and can't get downstairs to the presents. See, I have yet to really attend class or work on the Thursday or Friday of the first round of the NCAA basketball tournament for the last 8 years, and that streak will be broken today, when I am holed up in my office while everyone is having the time of their lives watching the god's gift to sport.

Who's playing? I'll let Cracked (is this the same Mad-esque mag I remember) take care of that. Run your cursor over the teams for a synopsis.

My Final Four is a Big 12 semifinal (Texas-Kansas) and a Big East semifinal (UConn-Villanova). Just give me your money now.
And cue up "One Shining Moment..."

Need a friend? Try a sandwich.

Seriously. He seems pretty popular.

"I miss Rushmore... I miss the seasons."

Max and I have been primarily working on a stage version of Harold and Maude, but also continually tinkering with a series of themed mixes devoted to each of the four seasons. (anonymous cries of 'dork.') People please, we are pretty proud of these babies, but we need to stop tinkering with them. So we can finally put at least one of them to rest, here's the first installment (which I'll gladly send anyone who asks for it). Spring is almost upon us as well...

Winter
1. "Frosted Ambassador" - Olivia Tremor Control
2. "I Want to Live In a Dream (remix)" - Clearlake
3. "Neighborhood #1 (Tunnels)" - Arcade Fire
4. "Winters Love" (excerpt) - Animal Collective
5. "Long Haired Child" - Devendra Banhart
6. "Mushaboom" - Feist
7. "Snowden" - Doves
8. "Frosti" - Bjork
9. "Aurora" (excerpt) - Bjork
10. "Hit the Snow" - Aislers Set
11. "Snow Day" - Matt Pond PA
12. "Skating" - Vince Guaraldi Trio
13. "Blacking Out the Friction" - Death Cab for Cutie
14. "In This Home On Ice" - Clap Your Hands Say Yeah
15. "Against the Sky" - Vashti Bunyan
16. "Winter Wooksie" - Belle and Sebastian
17. "The Bleeding Heart Show" - The New Pornographers
18. "16, Maybe Less" - Iron and Wine / Calexico

"C'mon dad, Max Fischer? Pull your head out of your ass."

Deadspin

And I call myself a sports fan... thanks to Dan for enlightening me on the wonderful world of Deadspin, a great blog that paws at the ridiculousness of ESPN and sports generally. It's now a permanent link in my book. And for all one of you who call athletics "homoerotics," there are a lot of great pop culture links besides, like this one to the Ali G Translata. Better than Gizoogle. Booyakasha.

The Dregs

With the NFL season behind us, the NBA a perpetual snooze, and the Deacons smelling like Polo, we've officially hit the bottom of the sports barrel until March Madness and baseball roll around. Here's my current "priority" list, from top to bottom:

• Spring Training baseball buildup
• ESPNSharapova
  
• NFL Draft buildup
• Any episode of PTI (with Kornheiser & Wilbon present, of course)
• Project Runway (fabulous competition)
  
• Step right up and see the amazing tiny Costas present Torino 2006! (*Only crashing skiers, falling skaters, and upside-down bobsleds need apply)
  
• NFL Skills Challenge
• The highlight of the water-skiing squirrel
• A10 Basketball, Fordham at LaSalle
  
• That fishing guy who screams and slams his crotch when he catches a 3-lb. bass
• Olympic women's curling, Denmark vs. Russia (tape delay)
• Whatever Stuart Scott is watching off to his lower right
  
• Live from Lightning Strikes in Trussville, Alabama, it's the PBA Jackson-Hewitt Tax Service Classic!
  
• The World's Strongest Man Competition where they carry a rock shaped like Africa that I've already seen parts of
  
• Nowenta Hold 'em
• Basscenter
  
• Sportscenter (beats out The Simpsons for biggest nosedive in TV history)
• SI Swimsuit Special: Doris Burke
  
• Arli$$
  
• Miss Universe pageant, 1985
• NBA All-Star Weekend
• Two-man luge
• Sean Salisbury/John Clayton vs. Dick Vitale/Stephen A. Smith
  
• NFL Pro Bowl