Need a friend? Try a sandwich.

Seriously. He seems pretty popular.

"I miss Rushmore... I miss the seasons."

Max and I have been primarily working on a stage version of Harold and Maude, but also continually tinkering with a series of themed mixes devoted to each of the four seasons. (anonymous cries of 'dork.') People please, we are pretty proud of these babies, but we need to stop tinkering with them. So we can finally put at least one of them to rest, here's the first installment (which I'll gladly send anyone who asks for it). Spring is almost upon us as well...

Winter
1. "Frosted Ambassador" - Olivia Tremor Control
2. "I Want to Live In a Dream (remix)" - Clearlake
3. "Neighborhood #1 (Tunnels)" - Arcade Fire
4. "Winters Love" (excerpt) - Animal Collective
5. "Long Haired Child" - Devendra Banhart
6. "Mushaboom" - Feist
7. "Snowden" - Doves
8. "Frosti" - Bjork
9. "Aurora" (excerpt) - Bjork
10. "Hit the Snow" - Aislers Set
11. "Snow Day" - Matt Pond PA
12. "Skating" - Vince Guaraldi Trio
13. "Blacking Out the Friction" - Death Cab for Cutie
14. "In This Home On Ice" - Clap Your Hands Say Yeah
15. "Against the Sky" - Vashti Bunyan
16. "Winter Wooksie" - Belle and Sebastian
17. "The Bleeding Heart Show" - The New Pornographers
18. "16, Maybe Less" - Iron and Wine / Calexico

"C'mon dad, Max Fischer? Pull your head out of your ass."

Deadspin

And I call myself a sports fan... thanks to Dan for enlightening me on the wonderful world of Deadspin, a great blog that paws at the ridiculousness of ESPN and sports generally. It's now a permanent link in my book. And for all one of you who call athletics "homoerotics," there are a lot of great pop culture links besides, like this one to the Ali G Translata. Better than Gizoogle. Booyakasha.

The Dregs

With the NFL season behind us, the NBA a perpetual snooze, and the Deacons smelling like Polo, we've officially hit the bottom of the sports barrel until March Madness and baseball roll around. Here's my current "priority" list, from top to bottom:

• Spring Training baseball buildup
• ESPNSharapova
  
• NFL Draft buildup
• Any episode of PTI (with Kornheiser & Wilbon present, of course)
• Project Runway (fabulous competition)
  
• Step right up and see the amazing tiny Costas present Torino 2006! (*Only crashing skiers, falling skaters, and upside-down bobsleds need apply)
  
• NFL Skills Challenge
• The highlight of the water-skiing squirrel
• A10 Basketball, Fordham at LaSalle
  
• That fishing guy who screams and slams his crotch when he catches a 3-lb. bass
• Olympic women's curling, Denmark vs. Russia (tape delay)
• Whatever Stuart Scott is watching off to his lower right
  
• Live from Lightning Strikes in Trussville, Alabama, it's the PBA Jackson-Hewitt Tax Service Classic!
  
• The World's Strongest Man Competition where they carry a rock shaped like Africa that I've already seen parts of
  
• Nowenta Hold 'em
• Basscenter
  
• Sportscenter (beats out The Simpsons for biggest nosedive in TV history)
• SI Swimsuit Special: Doris Burke
  
• Arli$$
  
• Miss Universe pageant, 1985
• NBA All-Star Weekend
• Two-man luge
• Sean Salisbury/John Clayton vs. Dick Vitale/Stephen A. Smith
  
• NFL Pro Bowl

What I Do...

Working in trademarks, like most jobs, is generally not that intellectually gratifying. But here are a few recent reasons why it can be the tiniest bit fun...
Washington Nationals TM Dispute
Seattle Seahawks "12th Man" TM Dispute
Potbelly Sandwich Works Trade Dress Dispute

Keep Clear of Me, I Am On Fire.

Do boats still use nautical flags? I hope so, because I think they'd come in handy in other facets as well. You could hang them outside your house or apartment to let passersby know what's going down inside. Or put them on shirts to send that subliminal message to the bar crowd. Better yet, flashcards. Most of the flags could be particularly appropriate, in the right situation…

(P): The Blue Peter: All aboard, the vessel is about to set sail.

(U): You are sailing into danger.

(J): Keep clear of me, I am on fire. (K): I wish to communicate with you.

(Q): My vessel is healthy and I require free pratique. (Z): I require a tug. (Y): I am dragging my anchor.
(L): You should stop immediately.

The Friends of P. #1: Roberto Duenas

New nonsense feature: Personal profiles of the many people who are my inspirational guides through life... It is, of course, named after the brillant song by The Rentals. Ooh-woo-hoo-hoo.

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Friend of P. #1: Roberto Duenas

Why he's a friend of P.: Pure sympathy. Look at the guy. Believe it or not, I actually kinda know what it's like to be an awkward-looking center, but not a 7'3" one with such a gorilla-like coat of hair over his body. He chose one of the only occupations (or maybe it chose him) where he has to bear his shoulders and back to the world. But at least he's got a pretty face.

Despite his success in the Spanish league, Duenas has yet to make it to the NBA. The Bulls drafted him in '97, and has been the PTBNL in a few NBA trades of late... I think the Celtics have his rights now. Watch out when he does take that step across the Atlantic, as I may have to be his fan club president.

Still Pittsnogled...

Watched part of WVU-G'Town in hoops last night... Doesn't watching WVU basketball still make you, the loyal Deacon fan, want to throw up a little bit in your mouth? Well, to make it worse, try these pics of Kevin "Worst Tats Ever" Pittsnogle and his lucky, lucky wife, whose name I could only guess is Brandine.

Ta-da

And now for my next illusion, i'll run the last four episodes back-to-back on a Friday night against the Olympic Opening Ceremonies. Obviously, I hate Fox for cancelling the only show i currently watch on TV, but this is actually a little gift for me tonight... yeah, my phone will be off between 8 and 10 pm...
Anyway, i guess it's showtime. (And by that i mean Showtime please, please save Arrested.)

The Fake Headlines

But these are real... and from the Associated Press. The AP:Music links on My Yahoo! are a constant source of amusement.
Today's include "Simmons Receives Key to Newark" (can you give it back?) and "Singer Claimed Coat Was Made From Gorilla". Those from the past include "Madonna Keeps Kids From TV and Ice Cream" and "Ricky Martin Says Fame Left Him Bored."
Speaking of bored...

State of the Deacons

Don't read this. Whether you like the man or not, this story is really disheartening.
See, I warn you, but then you go and do it anyway.